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A History of Whoppers

02 Aug

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The rumor had  spread like fine sweet chocolate on her Mamma’s  two layer cake.  It was so smoothly done that sprinkles of truth could be imagined as decorations specifically made to enhance the story.  When something seems so scrumptious, everyone wants to indulge and share and there in lay the problem.  How was she ever going to retract the damage of her delicious sounding rumor?  She hadn’t meant for it to go as far as it did.  Really, she had not.  Unfortunately, as all rumors normally do, this one was developing a life of it’s own; and as lies also tend to do, things were rapidly coming back around and  preparing to bite her in the ass.

She had been raised a good southern girl, fearful of God and her Pappy.  There were few rules in her house other than the ten big ‘uns , which were hard enough for her to handle. Number nine especially tended to be a problem for her, since she was not too good at being able to distinguish between what was bearing false witness and what she considered painting a story which would make her popular.

Her Mamma had always told her, if you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.  Unfortunately she didn’t listen to her Mamma and when what had started as just a little  embellishment of a tale regarding Bubba and her sister, Olive Sue and what was supposedly seen by her of them down by Millers Pond; well it  had just developed into one walloping train wreck of a situation.

It seemed very unfortuitous to her that her Pappy had gotten wind of the tale that she, in her own mind, had so innocently  concocted and from what she could somewhat piece together, from her sister, Olive Sue, between the tears and hiccups, Pappy was headed over to Bubba’s house with the shotgun that normally hung over the fireplace (when it wasn’t being used to hunt squirrels).

Things needless to say, weren’t boding too well for Bubba, as her Pappy was a dead-aimin’ son-of-a-gun with that old shotgun and in his mind because of her so called “Saga at Millers’ Pond” was under the impression that there needed to be a wedding held..and soon… Real Soon and Pappy wasn’t one to take no for an answer neither.

Mamma was gonna have a fit when she found out what was going on and because of  somewhat, as Mamma called it, “a history of whoppers that seem to spew from someone in this family who happens to be ten years old”, she knew that the bell was tolling somewhere and it was getting louder and louder ringing out her name.

Reluctantly she took her sister by the hand and  drug her off the porch to head on over to where hopefully there would be only a Mexican standoff occurring and not blood being spilled.  Bubba was known for his running skills but buckshot was always faster.  Maybe Mamma would have gotten wind too of the ill in the wind that was a blowing and would be able to head Pappy off before any harm could be done.  Maybe the gun would jam, maybe Bubba would have the good sense to hide, maybe, maybe,maybe.  Too many maybes.

Anyway she cut it, she had started this mess and in the end would have to fess up.  It wern’t gonna be pretty.

Thinking Ten – Thursday-Spreading the Rumor.

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Posted by on August 2, 2012 in Flash Fiction, humor

 

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