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Prep Time

18 Feb

He swallowed another large shot of whiskey and it quieted the hiccups caused by his hyperventilation. His heart which had been beating fanatically finally began to slow as well and seeing that his hands had almost totally ceased their shaking, he picked up the letter and began to read it… again… for the forth time.

Dear Mr. Flanagan:

This is to advise that your warranty will be expiring on April 12, 2012.  We understand that with the expiration being over a year from now, you may feel that we are being a bit premature in bringing this to your attention.  Most of our customers express surprise upon receiving notification at all, much less so far in advance, but we feel that in order to best serve our clientele, well the more lead time the better.

You have been quite faithful in making your promised offerings and keeping what is due,( in your case,)  fairly current, and we just wanted you to know that  has not gone unnoticed.  Because of your good intentions throughout the years, we wish that we were able to to extend your warranty another twelve months, but with the world population situation being what it is and all, that will not be the case.

Therefore we would like to give you ample opportunity to get all your affairs in order before 4/12/12, as things will begin to deteriorate rapidly once the warranty expires.  We want our clients to feel “ready” when their exact pick up time is scheduled.  Having you feel good about the whole situation, and not feel the need to rant,rave cry, moan, etc like so many others do is very important to us. The whole  “Why me Lord, why now?”, well, it has just been beat to death, if you know what we mean.

We are sure that the next thirteen months and some days will go rather quickly, so we hope that you will take whatever  steps you feel are  necessary to get your soul in order, so that you will be moving on to a better place and not the alternative. (again, If you get our drift)

So start your  preparations  now and we look forward to seeing you next year, up here or down there, which ever the case may be.

If you have any questions, my Customer Service specialists are available on Sundays normally between the hours of 11 am and noon.

Yours truly now and forever and ever,

Now really,…..Do I NEED to sign this?

Thinking 10- Member’s Pick, Friday: Todays Prompt.

April 12, 2012

The only rule: write whatever comes to mind; improvise!

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1 Comment

Posted by on February 18, 2011 in Flash Fiction, humor, Southern Humor

 

Tags: , ,

One response to “Prep Time

  1. Ann

    February 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Awesome

     

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